Meh.

Officially NOT pregnant.  I'm more annoyed that I have to go back on birth control pills than anything else.  Looks like we're going to try again the first week of December.  M was upset when I talked to her last night. I really hope it takes next time because the retrieval  was really hard on her and they only have enough embies to do one more transfer.

*sigh*

The waiting is the hardest part!

I'm happy to say that the transfer went well yesterday.  We implanted two super healthy 5 day embryos and now we wait!  This is definitely the hardest part.  I'm going to home test starting on Saturday.  Saturday seems like it's a month away!

Before the transfer I gave M (I'm going to go with M and D for mom and dad instead of IM and IF going forward..) a pair of bracelets I had found a few weeks ago that seemed to speak PERFECTLY to our situation. You can check them out here ... http://www.signals.com/cgi-bin/hazel.cgi?action=DETAIL&ITEM=HL8592

They are "Trust Your Journey" bracelets and they come in pairs!  How perfect is that?  I actually cried when I saw them in the catalog, because I felt like they were made just for us.  I wrote a note in a card for M and gave it to her right before we all went in.  I had to ask the (somewhat mean!) nurse to give us 30 more seconds so she had time to read it, but it was super important to me that she read it before the transfer.  M is a very talkative woman, and she was rendered speechless.  Of course she got teary, which meant I got teary too, but now we both have our bracelets and I'm hoping we'll wear them through this journey.  She kept telling me yesterday how much she loved it.  That not only for this, but for everything in her life she second guesses herself and that this will be a physical reminder that sometimes you just need to TRUST!   

I'm feeling kind of emotional today ..  Wondering if it's the hormone's I'm taking finally kicking in, or if it's just anticipating the next week.  All I know is that I was watching the last 5 minutes of Made on MTV (no judgement!  Daytime TV sucks!) and it was about cheerleaders, which I really couldn't care less about, but it still made me cry!  Not fair!!!  

...and now back to the waiting!  

**Edit I just watched the next episode of Made.  It was about hip hop and that made me cry too.  CLEARLY there is something wrong with me!  :)  

!!!

Tomorrow is transfer day!  Appointment is at 11am!  So excited!!!  Think sticky thoughts!

Yes, I'm starting a blog.

I was watching an episode of friends tonight.  It was "The One With Phoebe's Uterus."  Phoebe was telling her friends that she was thinking about being a surrogate for her brother and his wife and she said "I'm just the oven, it's totally their bun!" I thought that was the perfect name for my blog, so here we go!  

I am going to try to keep this mostly about my current journey, but I should share at least a little bit about my last one and how I ended up here.  

The first time I ever heard about surrogacy, I knew that it was something I wanted to do.  I can't really explain why I was drawn to it, but I was.  I honestly don't "love" being pregnant, like I've heard many surrogates say, but I don't hate it either and the outcome is worth every moment of misery I might encounter along the way.

My first journey started almost three years ago when I applied through an agency to be a surrogate.  After all of the initial testing and screenings, I was matched fairly quickly with a single intended mother (IM).  Without getting into the details ..  after almost a full year of  problems and indecision , we parted ways and I was rematched with an amazing couple.  I loved them from the first phone call and I knew that we had found a perfect match.  My new IM was unable to carry a baby, but she still had viable eggs and we were able to establish a pregnancy on the first try.  Their beautiful baby boy was born in April of this year.  Having his parents in the delivery room and seeing their tears of joy when he was born was the most amazing thing I've ever been a part of.  Holding the son they had waited a decade for was an incredible gift for all of us.  

The number one question I've been asked is "Wasn't it hard to give up the baby?"  No.  It was one of the easiest things I've ever done.  He was never MY baby.  He was always his parents child, he just grew in my body.  As Phoebe said ....  "I'm just the oven, it's totally their bun!"  

Now ..  on to journey number two!  I am SO excited that I was able to start this again so quickly.  I love my new intended parents (IPs)! They do have a six year old son, but my IM is unable to carry any more children.  They're both amazing people and I can't wait to help add to their family.  

So here's where we're at right now ...   All the legal stuff is done.  We've been through all of the physical testing, psychological testing and screenings.  I just finished with the Lupron, which was the first part of my med cycle.  Lupron is used to suppress natural hormones and get your body in a sort of neutral place to get ready to accept the embroy.  I've been taking pre-natal vitamins as well as an estrogen pill to help get my body ready as along with baby aspirin, which is also supposed to help get your body ready.  IMs egg retrieval was Thursday.  They got 15 eggs and 8 of them fertilized! The night before her retrieval I started Progesterone in oil shots (PIO).  These come in the form of a big nasty shot in the butt once a day.  This is probably the worst part of the whole process since in order to maintain a pregnancy, I'll have to stay on these for the next two months.  I forgot how much they hurt, though I feel like that just goes to illustrate my earlier point that every second of misery is well worth the outcome!  

So now that we have little embryos growing, what's next?  Hopefully they are super healthy and we will make it to a five day transfer. (If not, it's tomorrow and I should get some sleep!)  Embryos can be implanted at three days or at five days.  Three day transfers are used with less healthy embryos to  give them a better chance to make it.  My last transfer was four embryos implanted at three days.  This one we're hoping to do two embryos at five days.  Two healthy, five day embryos means that the chance of a twin pregnancy is much higher.  I've had a gut feeling from even before I met my current IPs, that my next journey would be with twins.  I guess we shall see!  

So now I wait.  Just a few more days until the transfer and we are all very excited!  In only about two short weeks, we'll know if I'm pregnant.  I believe that it will happen.  I know that this journey is just beginning and I look forward to every moment!